FireCrackers
by spot-da-vampyre-puppi
Summary: Emmett's Thoughts Brought to life before INDEPENDENNNCEEE DAAAAYYYYYY SPLODE!\\ some others.... but its ROTFLOL WORTHY! WE'VE BEEN TOLD! Hilarious first fan fic, anyone can read!
1. Bus Fun

**_FireCrackers_**  
**YUMMY!**

DISCLAIMER: i do not own Twilight

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LALALALALALALALALALA

Emmett's pov

3rd of July

…_Oh, my, oh, gosh-sh-sh…a. hey that was kind of fun-n-n-n-n…na.  
__HEY! THERES AN ECHO-O-O-O IN HERE-ERE-ERE! CHEESE-ESE-ESE-ESE! I WANT SOME CHEESE. Wait, I can't have cheese. I'm lactose-intolerant…no, that's not it. Oh. Yeah. Me…be…a…VAMPIRE……meow! Hehehe. That was funny._

_ He…he….WHERE AM I?? Oh, right I'm in the school bus in the bus yard… In Idaho… WAIT! I didn't come in postal… so Rosalie didn't send me here… I couldn't have sleep-walked… I CAN'T SLEEP! OMG MY WORLDS COMING TO AN END!! WHOA! Where'd that come from? … _

_I still want cheese… YUM! Why?? OH-MI-GOSH I almost swallowed my gum! WAIT I'M NOT CHEWING ANY GUM!! OMG!! … again… _

_OH RIGHT I WALKED/RAN HERE!! … _

_What _is_ today? Hmmm… Third? Eight? CHEESE!! No, no, it's definitely NIT cheese! Whoa? I don't speak German!? … OR DO I?? (Insert scary DUN! DUN! DUN! music) whoa! _

_Lost train of thought(s)… I'M LOSIN IT!! LOSIN IT!! GIMMIE-AN-L-O-S-T! GIMMIE-AN-I-T! WHAT DOES IT SPELL?? Whoa I gotta get back on track… NOT CRACK!! Track…. I don't run track! NO NO wrong track… _

_Sorry –er- self… A-K-W-A-R-D… _

_SERIOUSLY Edwards gonna kill me because of these random thoughts… HI EDWARD!! Wait… how do I know he's listening… ah well… _

_Ok today is the twilight of… no… no… HAHA I made funny! Ok.. today's the third? Ya. Ya. That sounds right. Of what? My foot? No. An Eclipse? No.. no… HEY I MADE ANOTHER FUNNY! Why's it funny? No clue… ok of what? June? January? JULY!! JULY!! JULY IS AN AMAZING MONTH! That means tomorrow is the for-ta-tha… no fourth… ha ha.. lol… WHAT THE FLI-NI-PP-IINN.. NO FLIPPIN CRAP! I DON'T TXT! OMG! I'm even thinking the spelling… _

_TOMORROW IS… _(Tune of Tomorrow from the musical Annie) _TOMMORROW TOMMOROW I LUV YA, TOMMOROW! YOUR ONLY A HALF HOUR AWAY! __Whoa! ELEVENDY THIRDY!! _

_Whoooooaaaaa!! … …. ….. __boy do I smell…(_sniff, sniff_) phew! Whew smelly! Do I even sweat? Then why do I smell like it? … … ah well… TOMMOROW.. TOMMOROW.. TOMMOROWS INDPENDENCE DAY! OMG! FREE FROM ROSE!! … _

_Why am I in a bus?…  
I miss Rosalie!! _(Fetal position on his side, equiv of crying)  
_HEY LOOK! IT'S MY CHEESE!! Oh that's the smell of a three year old I smelt.. MAN IS THE CHEESE THREE?? Hmph. I DON'T WANT THREE YEAR OLD CHEESE…_

_I GETTA BLOW UP MY STUFF TOMMOROW!! Better go get fryer crack… no… fire crackers!!  
(_high fives forehead_)  
ifsdafklsjad…  
_(Pumps fist in air)_ YES!! … and I need the illegal stuff… the stuff you blow up… not smoke… no fryer crack… I didn't know fryers made that crackle stuff… and i don't even know a fryer … … _

_CHEESE! No, no, COOKIE DOUGH!! I'M GONNA BLOW IT UP! If I sleep on my thoughts about this, they're gonna SPLODE! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Smokecrackinhippie…. No, no. NIT! No, no. I am NOT German. I'm hungry, not THIRSTY, hungry. _

(at corner illegal fireworks shop)

"er… I'd like some Roman Candles, big splodey stuff… and anything else that might get me in trouble with the…wife," I wink to show inner manhood-ness. Whoa, I must be a crack smokin' dude person thing. Yeah. "Hmph, and a one of those things…yeah that.

"Thanks. Oh, heres the mooooooooooo-la,"…Weird.

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**Okay, that was really random. AND THE FIRST-ST-ST-ST! WHOA! ECHO! **


	2. SPLODEYS & FAMILY THOUGHTS

**Disclaimer: I wanna own twi! light!**

**too bad steph does... if she reads this YOU ROCK AND I SAY HI AND UR MY FAV AUTH/PERS/HERO/FEMALE/IMAGINATIVE-HUMAN/PERSON/VAMP-STORI-WRITER/PERSON WHO KNOWS ROBERT PATTINSON/EDWARD(HEART MELTING)/GENIUS!!/... ya you get the point... cough cough but whats the chances she'd be reading this?? **

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4th of July morning.

**Edwards POV**

_I miss Bella… Although I was just there… Tomorrow I'm going to ask her to move in with me… I wonder her reaction… Ah well… how will the family think?_

_Emmett—"yes, I can watch Bella slip non-stop!"_

_I shudder at the thought._

_Rosalie—"Humph,"_

_Jasper—"Hope I can live with it…"_

_Alice—"Yes! My new shopping partner!"_

_Esme—"Go for it if you love her that much,"_

_Carlisle—"Yes, yes, whatever you want. Will you pass me that book please?"_

_Ugh. I hate it when I can pretty much predict this kind of stuff. Man, I feel like Alice…_

_"And I'm gonna splode cheese, and cookie dough, and fruit cocktails, and…" uh-oh sounds like Emmett's going to blow up Bella's fridge…again. Man, we on having to buy them a new one…_

(Sighs) _Man, I wish I could read Bella's mind… I'll call her… No, No, I'll take her on a date… NO, NO! Go over there… I'll ask her about moving in… Hope she doesn't take it like when I asked her to marry me… ugh… I wish she didn't take so long for her to say yes... I really do love her..._

_But I was just there… Wonder if she's had enough time to get ready…_

_Better go warn Emmett not to do anything… 'SPLODEY!' Better do it now, while he's planning…_

_Boy, Do I love Bella or What? ... I miss her... C'mon, it's been at least five minutes, she's gotta be ready by now... I still miss her... Can't wait till she's a vampire... no, no I can't think that... But still true... I really don't want to see her in as much pain as I had... Still, we'll be together forever! MAN, that sounded cheesy! but true...why does Emmett want cheese?_

_OH, CRAP! I FORGOT ABOUT EMMETT!_

_Bella...Bella...Bella...Fridge!...OH NO! BELLA'S FRIDGE! Go save fridge. Go save fridge. Go save fridge. Go save BELLA'S fridge..._sigh_...go see Bella... happy thoughts... Bella... Bella...Bella...DEJAVU!_

_Gotta get off goat's blood. It's making me CRAZY! But I still get to think randomly about Bella...Bella...Bella...Wonder what she'll be eating... probably something from her fridge..._

_FRIDGE!!_

_Man, i gotta get off goat's blood... its an equivalent to human crack...YUCK! _

_FRIDGE!!_

**  
Alice's POV**

I pause and have a vision of Emmett 'SPLODING' Bella's Fridge…

_Crap! Crap, CRAP!! Better go secure Bella's fridge… and stop Emmett from his 'SPLODEY' phase… hope it's a phase… Why'mi the only one I see doing this?? CHHHH! Lame-o's_

I pause, again, and have a different vision, one of Edward asking a question to Bella about living arrangements. I like this idea.

_GO FOR IT EDDIE!!_

I thought that, knowing that he was forever listening… when I didn't block him out…

**  
Jasper's POV**

_What's with Emmett's 'Mood Swings'? I mean, they affect me, too! One moment I'm giddy, the next I'm happy I'm not with Rosalie, the next I want cheese, His swings make me wanna crawl into the fetal position and kiss Rosalie! UGH! … And I miss her! I mean, she's across the room! I'm staring at her and she's probably thinking 'WHAT THE FLIP'S WRONG WITH HIM!?' LOOK AWAY! JASPER, DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DUMMBO BOD! But, man, do I look good! Yeah! Hairs X-TRA Fluff today…_

_Note TO SELF:_

_Go Check on Emmett every 3.567579 minutes…_

_Quit Being So Exact… All the TIME_

_LOL I MADE A FUNNY! Whoa? Where'd that come from?_

_Mental Equiv of Growl…Emmett…_

**  
Carlisle POV:**

_WORK,  
WORK  
KROW OOPS, BACKWARDS...  
WORK,  
WORK,  
WORK! _

_Thirsty, Where's the lab-rat? No, don't eat it. I'm supposed to test it, plus, what am I going tell the guys back at the office?  
(Hypothetical) **'Yeah… I ate the rat, you got a problem with that??'** They don't even know I'm a vampire._

_WORK,  
WORK,  
WORK…_

_I want a cookie..._

_Where's Esme? I need to... speak... with her..._

**  
Esme's POV:**

_Times like this i wish i could snack... I'm bored... I don't need to work out either... i'd break the machines... that'd be funny though... LOL! WHERE'D THAT COME FROM?? AH well... fireworks.. Wonder what Edward's doing... Probably with Bella... So happy he's happy..._

Sigh

_Everythings finished... Alice is after Emmett, she told me that much... Wonder where he's at too... I feel lonely... Wonder what Carlisle's doing... I need to ... speak... with him...  
_

**Emmett POV:**

Sneaking around house… suspiciously

_I've been avoiding everyone… successfully…COWBOY ACCENT Probly cuz I waz in IDY-HO-A YEEHA-HA-HA_

Enters House

_Hide Behind COUCH! Do it! NOW!  
__MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! MOVE WOMAN!  
__I... MEAN… MALE/MAN… another funny! Male man.. _

_Mail Man… … … CHASE MAIL MAN LIKE DOG!! ARFF!!  
No! WOOF! ... No!_

_NO HIDE BEHIND COUCH! NOW! MOVE, Move... move...  
DejaVu!_

Hides Behind Couch.

_Why'mi hiding? This is partly my place!_

Sees Alice

"OINK!" i half screamed,

_DUCK! ... Quack... no, no, Aflack??_

_RUN! OH NO SHE'S CATCHING UP! SHE'S—_

"**I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU GUYS NO RUNNING IN THE HOUSE!!**" roared Esme from the other room.

_Never new she could roar… So dainty… ALICE OH NO!! DON'T TACKLE ME!_

_Why doesn't anybody listen to me? Edward sometimes does… But he says its unin- umi…tellidgiblkfdse… yeah… … or something like that… ALICE GET OFF ME! Wait, say it aloud!_

"ALICE GET OFF ME!" I scream.

"NO NOT UNNNTIILLL you SAY you WON'T BLOW ANYTHING UP! ESPECIALLY ANYTHING BELONGING TO BELLA! Or our FAMILY of course… You know what happened last time… We had parts EVERYWHERE!"

"THAT WAS HIGH-LARIOUS!"

"NO, NO, it wasn't. I was grossed out and had to help everyone pull themselves together!! … Good thing I went shopping…"

"Oh yeah, you were a big help," I say sarcastically, "Now lemme go so I can blow my stuff, and myself up."

"UGH NO! I'm locking you in the closet!"

_YES! My splodey stuffs in there! She'll never know! Unless… she looks in there… there was a lot. A lot a lot. Like I had to take EVERYTHING out to fit it all in…_

(insert scary Dun, Dun, Dun, music here)

Two hours later.

_Can't believe she stuffed me in here… and took everything out… mental sniff…_

Door opens… slowly… I fall out..

"FINALLY! I get to come out of the closet!! Rose said it wasn't a good thing… but now I get to splode stuff!"

_I have an intense craving to look at myself in the mirror and growl like I would when I acknowledge Rose's hottness… and wolf whistle… no… not WOLF… HYINA! That'll work... And drink white tea with a little bit of apple and a drop of honey... OFF TO SEPHORA! WHOOP!_

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**_PEOPLE I NEED REVIEWS!! IF YOU DON'T, I WON'T TYPE ANYMORE!!_**

**Its supposed to be kinda dumm... When we wrote this it was 1:10 am .234545234590834 seconds... I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM! JUST JAZZ.. PER!!**

I went to Sephora yesterday for 2.5398762 hours... Fun... Colourful Makeup... PURPLE BLUE GREEN... i'm not an advertiser... but i like the lip venom.. its refreshingly stingy... and the too faced mood swing! luv it luv! .. it..

Oh, and sephora, yourwelcome...

yeah... no one reads this crap.

or do they (insert scary DunDunDun music here)


End file.
